The Awkwardness of Being Awkward

Modern society has a tendency to take a perfectly good word and run with it until it’s so overused it loses it’s meaning. Take awkward for example. People frequently describe situations by saying,”That’s so awkward,” or simply just, “awkward.” But when I describe myself as “awkward” it’s not just a cliche, I really mean it.

But what does it mean to be awkward, anyway? Here are a few definitions:

not comfortable, relaxed, or confident

embarrassing or inconvenient; caused by lack of social grace

lacking grace or ease in movement

Ok, well…I think you get the picture…

I find it fascinating to pinpoint what exactly makes me feel awkward. I think it’s a combination of nature, nurture and my own unique “I just don’t care” attitude.

So what does being awkward feel like?  It’s an awareness that I am different but constantly attempting to try to fit in despite that. It can be exhausting, frustrating but sometimes wonderful. Although I often feel out of step with the world around me that’s not always the case. Technology has found a way to bring all of us “awkwards” together and I find great comfort knowing I’m not alone.

Maybe this all sounds a bit familiar to you. If so, great! We can be awkward together. But if you’re one of the “normal” people out there and this all sounds foreign to you then take this post for what it is, valuable insight into the inner workings of someone very different from yourself.

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The Post Con Blues

Going to an event like Star Wars Celebration is a whirlwind of emotions to say the least! From the moment I knew I would be going in August of 2013 it was a steady crescendo of excitement until April 2015. Four days of solid Star Wars content was a dream come true and being in that bubble of pure happiness was unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

And then it ended.

I’ve experienced the “post con blues” before, but never to this extent. Being the analytical person I am, I thought it would be interesting to document my feelings over the last week, you know, in the name of science.

During the con itself, it was overwhelming at times, but the adrenaline rush and some timely caffeine fixes got me through til the end. But by Sunday I could feel a sore throat coming on (the notorious “con crud”) and was actually feeling relief that the con we be over soon. That night I crashed, and woke up feeling much better. I thought I had beat the cold and got to spend some time at the beach. Life was good.

The next day, however, was another story. I woke up feeling awful which was unfortunate because it was the day I had to travel home. I made it back to Phoenix Tuesday night and crashed once again. Then, with me being sick and having my first day back at work on Wednesday, it was kind of a blur, but emotionally I was still on a high from Celebration.

Thursday I woke up feeling a lot better and more settled into my life and that’s when I felt post con blues really kick in. I was suddenly aware that my stark reality did not include people dressed in awesome costumes, Star Wars music constantly playing in the background and R2-D2s as far as the eye could see. While I tried hard to remember the happy times there was a deep sadness that was hard to shake.

That brings us to today, Friday. I woke up feeling so much better. My con crud is gone, my emotions have stabilized and I’m finding great joy from going through my pics, putting together some pieces for the podcast and reminiscing about Celebration on Twitter.

It’s been an incredible ride and I would gladly do it again!

MTFBWY!