The Awkwardness of Being Awkward

Modern society has a tendency to take a perfectly good word and run with it until it’s so overused it loses it’s meaning. Take awkward for example. People frequently describe situations by saying,”That’s so awkward,” or simply just, “awkward.” But when I describe myself as “awkward” it’s not just a cliche, I really mean it.

But what does it mean to be awkward, anyway? Here are a few definitions:

not comfortable, relaxed, or confident

embarrassing or inconvenient; caused by lack of social grace

lacking grace or ease in movement

Ok, well…I think you get the picture…

I find it fascinating to pinpoint what exactly makes me feel awkward. I think it’s a combination of nature, nurture and my own unique “I just don’t care” attitude.

So what does being awkward feel like?  It’s an awareness that I am different but constantly attempting to try to fit in despite that. It can be exhausting, frustrating but sometimes wonderful. Although I often feel out of step with the world around me that’s not always the case. Technology has found a way to bring all of us “awkwards” together and I find great comfort knowing I’m not alone.

Maybe this all sounds a bit familiar to you. If so, great! We can be awkward together. But if you’re one of the “normal” people out there and this all sounds foreign to you then take this post for what it is, valuable insight into the inner workings of someone very different from yourself.

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Update

Pressing the “Publish” button on that previous post was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve written about this before, but never had the courage to publish anything. When you’re already insecure about something there’s always the risk that broadcasting it to the entire world will intensify an already obviously sensitive topic.

But fortunately that didn’t happen. In fact, for me this has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. It’s hard to describe how good it felt after I posted it. It was a relief for me personally, but I also quickly realized that what I said struck a chord with others who feel “less than perfect”.

Writing about self-image didn’t magically make my problem go away, but it drastically change my perspective about things. It helped me to realized that I do have a unique perspective and can really help others who struggle. So what does this all mean? Well, now that I’ve opened the floodgates I’ll probably never shut up about it! So expect more writing regarding important topics like beauty, self-image, inner-beauty, self-esteem, perception ect. And, well, if I run out of things to say about this issue, there’s about a billion more I have to choose from!

Words are incredibly powerful, they can hurt and they can heal. So I’ll do my best to use them for good and to use them to help others.

Thanks for reading and for your support, everyone.

Goodbye for now, you beautiful people.

 

 

Sticks & Stones

Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” was most likely a liar. Words can and do hurt. I was reminded of this earlier this week when a coworker carelessly made a remark about my appearance. I don’t feel like he was trying to be hurtful with what he said, but when you’ve struggled with self-image issues your entire life, even the littlest thing can leave a lasting impression.

Just to clarify, we’re not talking a bout a sexual harassment situation here, or even any harassment at all. It was simply an observation, that might have just been brushed off my an average person. But I’ve never been average. Due to nerve damage on the right side of my face I tend to be very sensitive about any comments about my appearance. It’s the reason I actively try to not smile and usually hate having my photo taken.

It has affected the way I view myself my entire life, but I rarely talk about it, even to my closest friends. But I feel compelled to write about it now. It’s my hope that externalizing my insecurities will lessen their power over me, and at the same time, help anyone else out there who’s faced similar issues.

It’s hard to be less than perfect in world where perfection is idolized. I struggle with it constantly, but over time I’ve begun to realize that it is ok to be different. Not only is it ok, but in many ways it is preferable. It literally makes you one of a kind. It can give you different perspective. And it can also give you a sense of empathy that others simply don’t possess.

We all have struggles and life can really suck sometimes. People will say things that hurt, sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. But in the end, we must move forward and focus on the good.

So, there you have it. Now you know a little more about me and my inner struggles. And I feel like I’ve just scratched the surface. Maybe another day I’ll tell you more. But for now, I think I’ll call it a day.

Until next time…

My Love/Hate Relationship With The Internet

If you’re reading this blog, there’s a good chance you like the internet as much as I do. It’s a wonderful tool to learn, connect and be entertained by. But yet I seem to have a constant inner struggle with wanting privacy and being willing to share aspects of my life with others.

It’s fun to be able to share your love for something with other people who love it as much as you. But at the same time, you don’t know who’s out there. It’s weird to think that literally anyone can gain access to the inner-workings of my mind, not to mention a lot of other information.

There are no easy answers. I suppose it’s just the double-edged sword that is our modern way of life. I guess just be smart, cautious and don’t post anything you wouldn’t want the whole world to see. Overall I think the benefits outweigh any hesitation I may have. 🙂

Thanks for letting me vent, now back to my regularly scheduled blogging.

Blogging In The Wind

Hey people. I’ve been blogging for a week already and so far so good. I’m really enjoying the atmosphere of WordPress and everyone’s been so nice. I realized that with my first post I kind of just jumped in head first. I probably should have started with an introductory message stating my hopes and dreams for the blog. So I’ll do that now.

So why did I start a blog? Well, for one thing, I want the experience. I am hoping to get into the social media/marketing field and I know that blog maintenance is a big part of that. I also hope to sharpen my writing, design and html skills.

Also, as my about page states, I have many varied interests. I love being a part of so many different communities and I want to be able to share my thoughts with awesome people like you. I don’t really have any specific goals in mind for my blog, I just plan to update as much as possible, and see where it takes me. This is still very much a work in progress so a big thanks to everyone for all of the likes, comments and follows. May the force be with you all! 🙂

Sorry It’s Monday :(

Mondays can be a major bummer so enjoy theses pictures of beautiful Arizona sunsets.